when people refer to penises as ___________ in fanfictions

chlorophyll-bunny:

gallowsgothead:

ivori:

dr-eames:

ewereka:

c-c-chuck:

chlorophyll-bunny:

americankimchi:

chlorophyll-bunny:

penises

cocks

dicks

and other normal words for a penis

meat sticks

wands

slick manhood

throbbing/pulsing member

100% all-beef thermometer

black snake

anal impaler

chode

shaft

sausage

schlong

“thing”

steamin’ semen roadway

skin flute

tube steak

wang

dong

bone

etc.

“steamin’ semen roadway”

there’s a new one

“anal impaler” is the one that really gets me

100% all-beef thermometer

prying chicken

blossoming manmeat

Jutting protrusion

Monster truck (in the context of ‘just because I let chicks peg me doesn’t mean I’m going to let you drive your monster truck down my hershey highway)

the “throbbing member” one I always hate so much. I don’t even know why it gets on my nerves IT JUST DOES.

I am, however, okay with “throbbing beef truncheon”

but only if it’s dave saying it. he’s the only one who can get away with that shit.

I read an excerpt from a story ((Knight Moves by Jamaica Layne)) where this apparently well hung knight says to a girl who for whatever reason was watching him piss… “It looks like someone needs a visit from the cod piece” and later on her “cunt makes a disappointed queeb sound” as he exists from her… ladies and gentlemen, adieu…

omfg

“disappointed queeb sound”

awesrtyguiol;fdgds

I am in tears

but oh god don’t say adieu now all I can think about is Yagyuu writing smutty fanfiction

badly